*I was inspired to write this while my two friends played their guitars and sang by the river, each of us drinking some Cruzcampo
I feel like my life is:
- 87.9% bull shit
- 0.1% agony
- 12.0% pure bliss
Which equates to two things:
- I lead a pretty awesome life
- There are a lot of things I can do to lead a more purpose driven life
I spent the last two days fixating and agonizing over a test that really in the grad scheme of life means nothing. But I guess that’s a testament to my character. It’s both a positive and a negative or a rose and a thron if you must.
- Rose: The little things matter to me. Such as picking out a t-shirt for you in your favorite color or taking the time to collage/make you the perfect birthday card.
- Thorn: At the same time because the smallest things give me abnormal amounts of anxiety. Such as if I remembered to close the garage door while on centre ave. and I don’t remember so I turn all the way around to close it only to realize that in fact I remembered to close it and that I’ve never forgotten to close it before in my life. Also, another example is that if I’m studying and I decide my eyebrows are too bushy I will proceed to pluck them until they are too thin just so I can go back to studying. (Note: this is an awful idea, and I do not recommend it.)
While I need to cut this bull shit out of my life, I don’t want to lose what makes me, well Katie. However, sitting here and writing this makes me realize that what is causing this stress is the inability to even remember my childhood dreams, and the doubt I have for my future. I don’t want to spend the rest of my adulthood at something I don’t love. And I know, I shouldn’t be focusing on this while I’m in Spain. But watching my two friends write music and talk about how they are going to pursue this dream of theirs after college, makes me worried that I’ve already given up on mine.
I don’t know when we tell kids that their dreams are impossible or silly. I feel like once you get in high school and they tell you that what you are learning will give you practical skills for your future, they just cut all of your hopes out of you. It gets even worse in college, when they start expecting you to want to make loads of money in your life time, over doing something that will give you tons of happiness.
To all the newly graduated and to all the other kids just trying to figure out our dreams, I say screw it. Just remember what makes you happy, and try to incorporate that into your career. Don’t stress on what is practical or achievable. Where is the fun in that?
- Talking about life with friends
- Listening to really good poetry
- Skyping my mom in 2 hours
- Wandering and not knowing if you’re doing the right thing
- Dream killers